In retrospect, threads were becoming unwound.
A pain had developed in my right knee. The beauty of the surroundings muted by thoughts of a return to England for a friends wedding. Then news came that crossings at the Thai-Burma border had been suspended.
Listlessness reigned as the forward momentum that a bicycle craves stalled toward inertia.
I stood by a Wat scuffing stones and smoking. Decision eluding me. If in doubt keep on going had been my mantra but I lingered still. A bright hello interrupted my leaden musings as Thawi, a young monk, introduced himself and we got to chatting. On hearing my quandary he explained that it was simple. 'You can cross into Burma at Tachiliek' and offered to give me a lift to Chiang Mai. Just like that, the clouds cleared and the way forward was clear again. No need to retrace pedal strokes. Follow the stream, don't swim against it.
It wasn't to be.
Surgery was advised and so as I walked from the hospital. Slowly pushing my bicycle towards my hostel I made my peace with the fact the journey was over. The next few days were spent organising a return home. Packing the bike up one handed was tricky, as was washing myself, but with some persistence and a rag on a stick I found a way. My final day was enlivened by a bizarre trip to the Thai Police station where I met the moped rider, signed some incomprehensible documents and watched as the poor moped driver handed over some cash to the officer.
Before long I reached the airport and was ushered into a wheel chair. On reaching security and passing my bar-bag through the metal detector alarms rang. I had failed to stow my Leatherman tool. Whether it was the morphine, the pain, or the ongoing realisation that I had lost my way, my life for the last 3 years; the prospect of losing this tool that had been with me all those miles was too much. Emotional, I refused to part with it. Making a scene and refusing to go through. Seeing my upset, the incredibly understanding Thai security guards calmed me down and offered to take the knife and put it in my bag. As a child on a family holiday I remember having a toy sword taken from me at an airport and despite assurances that it would be waiting for me when I got off the plane: it was not. But history did not repeat itself. True to his word and going far above and beyond in the face of my tantrum, the Leatherman was somehow returned to my luggage. Just the last of the uncountable good deeds and kindnesses that I have been recipient of on this trip. Either the world is full of good people or I have been miraculously lucky.
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